Revenge of the GERD

So, last night, I couldn't sleep. I enjoyed a particularly spicy homemade Mexican meal. I'm thirty. I drink and smoke occasionally. I'm overweight. And now, apparently, as a result of my complete lack of taking care of my body, GERD has come to punish me. GERD is suck. I just met GERD today and I hates him. He is punishing me for that which I enjoy. Why, GERD, Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Ahem, in order to alleviate and possibly eliminate the GERD I must:

-Lose weight (I'm okay with this. It is what I have to do to get it that pisses me off)
-Stop eating acidic foods, fried foods, and caffeine (So, I can have steamed cabbage juice. Now I'm pissed)
-No smoking
-Less drinking
-Exercise
-Watch my stress

Basically, I cannot eat delicious foods and I'm not allowed to use my current maladaptive coping mechanisms to combat my love of cheese.

Why must you torment me, evil GERD? I'll keep you updated on the GERD scourge................

The Motherfucking Marsha Brady Club

Okay, so I've been trying to get more involved in volunteer organizations in the city. Here is the problem: all of the meet and greets are at BARS. I confess; I do partake of a drink or two when I feel the need. However, I want to learn about your organization. I want to do it in a professional manner. Please, have a least one meeting without debauchery; else I think you're a joke.

Also, don't insult me or anyone else when you put in your mission statement that you are about "diversity", and then you entire "cabinet" looks like this freaking Marsha Brady Club. I was highly disappointed and it pretty much reaffirmed my thinking that you put in diversity to appear "hip" and "pc". It was a freaking young, blonde, skinny girl's club. I don't want that!!! I work in a diverse environment. I live in a diverse environment.

So, with that being said, I plan on working with an organization in St. Louis that ACTUALLY is diverse, not one that makes themselves feel better by stating it in their mission statement. Talk is cheap. Actions is where it is at. Hell, you don't even have activities in diverse areas. You are having your meeting at a sports type bar on Morganford? Get the smelling salts, I'm going down from shock.

Someone call Jerry Springer

What the fuck is up with these two:

Rosie - What in the hell were you thinking? I like your stand up AND I sorta liked your daytime show. A little too super nice for my taste, but it was okay. Lately though, I must say, the self importance meter: WAY WAY up. TOO up. First of all, you commented on a beauty pageant for God's sake. An effing beauty pageant. Why? Who in the hell cares besides the pageant people. *On a slightly different note, why in the hell are beauty pageants still around? This is 2007, right? Why are women still being judged for a competition based on how they fill out a swimming suit?* I digress. The minute you make a personal attack on someone, you cannot be surprised or insulted. You made a character assessment, now, not surprisingly, he's going to pick at your personal appearance. Please, stop acting like white trash and end this ridiculous media bullshit. I'm sick of hearing it as part of my morning "news".

Donald - I don't like you. I never have. I have never watched "The Apprenctice." Almost no matter what Rosie says, I will like her more. You cheated on your wife. I hate that shit. You are attacking Rosie's personal appearance. Your head looks like a soft serve ice cream cone. If you weren't wealthy, there is no way you would have landed Catwoman. Please shut up and go away.

Remember this. Money doesn't buy class.