Under Pressure

These past few weeks have been very stressful at my job. There are so many projects in addition to my everyday responsibilities. I've been wanting to pop!

However, under the pressure, I was able to finish up a couple of things that were due tomorrow. I could finally breathe a sigh of relief. In fact, I giggled for the last two hours of my day because I was so giddy with relief. Ahh. I love when the pressure is over and I can finally just sit back and be glad its all over.

I'm so glad I get to celebrate this friday by going and seeing the Gentlemen Callers at Radio Cherokee:
http://www.radiocherokee.net/

Then, Saturday, I'm hanging out with my best girlfriends for my chosen sister of 20 years for her 30th birthday at the Bailey's Chocolate Bar:
http://www.baileyschocolatebar.com/

Seeing as I've never been to either of these places, I'll be more than happy to give a review of each. The city has so many little interesting places. Even though I live here, I always find it possible to go to another locale to keep it fresh and interesting.

My daddy gave me a name and he walked away..........

I have a real ass for a father. I'm sure I'm not alone here. Hell, there are even people out there who have never met or who don't know who their father is. I guess I am fortunate in comparision.

I say he is true ass because he is. He has not exactly been a five star father. He cheated on my mom and they divorced. He left with the woman in question. She treated me like an annoyance for my entire childhood. He ignored it. I was starving for attention. He ignored it. He's Switzerland. I suppose its easiest for him.

I am the most beloved and best treated of his children. He has two children from the marriage before my mother. I saw them quite a bit as a child. My brother and sister moved as teenagers to Texas. I've seen my brother one time since he was 13 years old. He'll be 35 this October. I've seen my sister twice since then and she'll be 40 this July. They both have children that I've never held or kissed or played with. I have nieces and nephews who don't know me. Its all that jackass' fault.

Their mother died a few years ago of cancer. They are orphans and yet, he still tries to maintain his stupid pride. I hate him for that. He and his wife send me stupid cards that say, "Call us sometime." Why in the fuck can't you call me or them, for that matter? I am so angry because he always has to do what is easiest. Why does he always do what is easiest??

My dad named my brother and he named me as well. Then, he walked away.

Your wedding has turned your brain into mush

My best friend is getting married in August. She was engaged in either December or January. I can't stand to be around her anymore. Why??????????????? Her brain has turned to mush since she became engaged. The wedding has consumed her. I am happy that she's happy. I hate her asshole fiancee, but if she loves him, more power to her. Here is the problem: anytime that you ask her how she is doing, she gives you an update on the wedding shit. I'm happy you are getting married.................are you still a person? I mean, JC, what the fuck? You were a person in a relationship and now you're a fucking wedding spokesperson. Get on the phone to Modern Bride. I think they have an opening.

Honestly. Here is the thing: all this for ONE day. ONE fucking day. Then what?

Dear Co-worker

You are a jackass. Utterly and completely. You think you should be the senior in our department because you have been there the longest. Its bullshit. You do not communicate, you are insecure, self serving, disorganized and finger point as if your life depended on it. The fact that you think that you deserve a title without any responsibility is ridiculous. You are pompous, arrogant, and worst of all, ignorant. There is nothing worse that a moronic blowhard. The worst part is that other departments actually think that you are the backbone of our department. If that's true, then we're spineless.

You also think that any time that something is going on that it is necessary for you to pound your chest and be King Kong. Remember, he was killed in the end. No one needs you to save them. Sit down and concentrate on your own pile of work because you are wasting a tremendous amount of time trying to make sure that I am doing my job right, when you fuck up all the time. Eyes on your own work, Junior.

When a fellow co-worker complains to you about your behavior, they are not being "pissy", "bitchy", nor are they on a "high horse". That kind of talk is disrespectful and dismissive.

I know all of this ranting is pointless because you are so ineffectual that you will be in the same job long after everyone else has moved on.

Suburban Fear

I live in the city of Saint Louis. Not a suburb. Not on the edge of the city. I live in the city. People fear the city. Terribly. I doubt that people who live near Chicago fear that city. However, for some reason, people fear the city of Saint Louis, and they have been fleeing the city in droves for years.

The perception is a crime filled, cracked out dark sinister place with shootings, stabbings, muggings, sex crimes, and just general, all around filth. I think that the media portrays it as such, but then, when I watch the news here, I see sex crimes, theft, kidnapping, etc. happening in other areas of the metropolitan area. So, WTF? Why is there so much fear? Well, to put it simply, white people fear black people. No matter how good the people are, they fear them. The perception is that all blacks are "thugs", criminals, or dirty, low down people in general. Now, there are plenty of thugs, criminals, and dirty, low down areas that are all white here, but whites don't fear those areas. People supposedly "fled" the city because of crime, yet white people don't leave white areas when crimes occurs. So, process of elimination, fear of blacks. I also believe that white people fear their children attending school with blacks and potentially dating or marrying a black person. How awful and what would their friends think.

Even some of my friends have admitted, after me pressing them, that they only want to live by their own. Why is that? What is the fear? Or better yet, if Asians moved in, would they move? No, because the perception is that Asians don't bring the "horrible" things that blacks bring. I live in a very diverse area and crimes have not occured to me.

The city is growing and people are slowly coming back to the city, but there will forever be those people who fear the big, bad, "black" city.

He's finally trying to do something legal..........

I used to have a roommate. Well, I used to live with a roomate. I decided to move out from her house about a year and a half ago. Why? Well, I'll tell you why. She wanted to move her prison boyfriend in. Yes, that's right people. Someone who had spent the majority of his twenties in prison for robbing churches, only to be paroled, accused of armed robbery, and sent back to prison was being let out. Into her home. Where he could hang his rebel flag in the living room (no joke). She visited him often at the prison and he called often to the house. She told me she was in love. I thought she was insane.

You see, they didn't start dating until he went back to prison. She had been a thrill seeker since I had known her at age 12. The thought of marrying at ex-con would surely be a thrill AND a slap in the face to her rich, overbearing father. Its kind of pathetic to try to rebel against your father when you are 27, but some people never grow up. She was washing his Pantera and Motley Crue t-shirts for him one day AND keeping his 80s furniture at her house until he could get out. The one time that I met him while he was on parole, he tried to "peer pressure" me into drinking with them. I was 27! Who in the hell is worried about people thinking they are "cool" at 27? People who missed the developmental stage of their life called "the 20s" and still wanted to go to keggers.

Anyway, apparently, their relationship has been going swimmingly. Despite the fact that he can't keep a job and has wrecked two of HER cars. He proposed. She accepted. I have to see this low class wedding.

How it all began

I already have a blog with two other people. Then, why, you ask, are you wasting our precious cyberspace with yet ANOTHER blog. Sit down and listen and I will tell you why...........

I'm a 29 year old UNMARRIED female. Not only am I unmarried, I really have no desire to get married. I see those around me getting married. AND I mean everyone. I don't dislike the institution of marriage, I dislike what it seems to do to some people's brains. The problem is, most of the people I know are married. Scratch that. Nearly every damned person I know is married. I cannot relate sometimes to their lives. I have nothing against their lives, I just see a larger and larger chasm in the friendships that I previously had with people. Its disheartening.

I've also really started to get enlightened regarding the place for women, especially in American society. I've started to notice some of the ways that women are subjegated and even the way that we do it to ourselves. By truly standing up for what I believe is right, I run the risk of alienating life long friends that I truly do love. Even if I think that their fiancee is an ASSHOLE!

My femininity is not a drawback, but a strength. I am angered by society's constant attack and sexualization of women at all times. I wish it to end. We are sexual creatures, all of us, but not just that. I'm not dead above the neck.

When it comes right down to it, I'm just a woman, trying to struggle and make it in this society. I am trying to get the respect I deserve while still being true to myself.